Yesterday a big box of Blonde trade paperbacks arrived (out in stores next Tuesday!) and as is custom here at Secret Dead Blog, I want to give a few of them away. Remember: this isn't your grandmother's paperback reprint. This edition contains a brand-new, never-before-seen, 13,000 word novella called "Redhead," which is a direct sequel to the crazy shit that happens in The Blonde.
But since it's brand-new, and never-before-seen... and almost nobody reviews paperback reprints... or weird-ass stories the author stuck in the back... I won't have any snazzy "Redhead" blurbs from the trades.
Which is where you come in.
The rules of this contest? Simple. Write a fake blurb for "Redhead" and post it in the comments section below. Yes, sight-unseen. (Unless you've somehow scored an early copy.) The blurb can be positive, negative, funny, dark, or just plain bizarre. It can play around with the fact that you haven't read a single word of "Redhead." In fact, it probably should. The contest will run until this Friday at noon (EST); the coolest, funniest blurbs will win free signed copies of the new edition of The Blonde.
Easy, right? May the best fake-blurbist win.
"The Redhead is awesome. That's right, I said it, I actually like something Duane wrote.
ReplyDeleteYep, surprised me too."
THE BLONDE begs for a sequel. "The Redhead" delivers in spades.
ReplyDeleteTHE REDHEAD - Ninety miles an hour with your hair on fire.
ReplyDelete"Men prefer Blondes...yet this Redhead is to die for.
ReplyDeleteIt was a Redhead. A Redhead to make a bishop buy The Blonde.
ReplyDeleteNever has a book about the life and times of Ron Howard been so unabashedly sexual. From The Andy Grifith show and Happy Days to Cocaine and Three-Ways, The Redhead grabs you where your bathing suit covers and never lets go.
ReplyDeleteA bombshell that grabs you by the throat, the heart, and the balls. Swierczynski's prose is steely and surgical. His plot thunders like the Cyclone with its shuddering climbs, gasping drops, and two-rail caroms on fierce curves. Call it a full palette of nano-noir: platinum blondes, white knuckles, black hearts, and one hell of a Redhead.
ReplyDelete"THE REDHEAD - You're gonna have to read under the cover to find the truth!"
ReplyDelete"The Redhead is hotter than my ex-wife's underwear. Read it and weep."
ReplyDelete"As a thriller, I'm sure THE REDHEAD pushes all the right buttons. As a guide for the modern hair stylist, though, I'm afraid I can't recommend it."
ReplyDelete"Reading THE REDHEAD is like drinking crack-infused Red Bull."*
ReplyDelete*But then, I read the story, so I have to recuse myself.
The Blonde is only a wine spritzer compared to the kamikaze power of The Redhead.
ReplyDeleteI haven't been this excited since I was a freshmen at Lehigh U and went to the frats on the hill for free beer. There were girls there, too!
ReplyDelete"The Redhead is more charismatic than Lucille Ball, more agile than Nicole Kidman, and harder than Scarlett Johansson. You'll love it."
ReplyDelete-WWW.CHUD.COM
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteA medium-sized diving duck, 37 cm long with an 84 cm wingspan, the adult male has a blue bill, a red head and neck, a black breast, yellow eyes and a grey back, whereas the adult female has a brown head and body and a darker bluish bill with a black tip.
ReplyDeleteBut enough about the duck. Just read the book.
REDHEAD.
don anderson said...
ReplyDeleteSharing a single spine with her wicked conjoined twin, THE BLONDE, THE REDHEAD is sure to appeal to fans of Swierczynski's nearly mythical SEVERANCE PACKAGE, which was almost published earlier this year.
She's a sizzling, on fire dame.
ReplyDeleteThe Redhead will put a lump in your shorts and blow your mind with every turn of the page. So do yourself a favor and drop a few brain cells. Read The Redhead today!
"the REDHEAD is like a speed infused Twix bar with a cookie center so hard it cracks every tooth in your head! Duane his name too hard to say has written a sequel for the ages! Yeah, we're talking Star Wars 'Phantom Meance' good!
ReplyDeleteKeith Rawson Said:
ReplyDeleteYeah, Keith Rawson wrote that last blurb, but he was wrong about the Redhead being 'Phantom Meance' good! what he meant to say is that the Redhead was 'Godfather 3' good!
Yeah, Keith Rawson spelled 'Menace' wrong not once, but twice!
ReplyDeletePlus Keith Rawson is really annoying because he's now posted 3 times! But that's just how good the Redhead is!
Keith Rawson cracks me up. As do the rest of these blurbs. Keep it coming!
ReplyDeleteTHE REDHEAD: So awesome it'll grow extra testicles on men and give women multiple orgasms.
ReplyDeleteTHE REDHEAD is the work that will make Duane Swersinkerator's name a household word!
ReplyDelete"Make it a threesome--hook up with The Blonde & the Redhead and you'll be sticking to the edge of your seat."
ReplyDeleteJohn McAuley
You know that funny feeling you used to get climbing the rope in gym class? The Redhead is even better than that!
ReplyDeleteReading The Redhead is like having killer nanorobots thrashing around in your skull. You've just got to stay with the damn thing till the brutal, gory end.
ReplyDeleteReading The Redhead is the literary equivalent of showering with your wife's hot friend.
ReplyDeleteYou know it's wrong but you don't care.
"Hotter than a Clairol Molotov cocktail, Duane Swierczynski's The Redhead is anything but a nice 'n' easy follow up to The Blonde."
ReplyDeleteAlso:
ReplyDelete"Dear Duane-loved The Wheelman, bought it in trade paperback. Been waiting to read The Blonde so I can read the novella at the same time. Please find my blurbs funny enough so I don't have to buy a copy."
No, Juancho--buy a copy, then give the one you (might) win to a friend! : )
ReplyDeleteTHE REDHEAD is that rare triple threat. A kick in the pants, a kick in the teeth and a kick in the nuts!
ReplyDeleteThe Redhead is Duane Swierczynski's RED HOT follow-up to his best-seller The Blonde. Soon to follow is the third in the trilogy BALDY. Sure, it's a HAIRbrained idea but the books are selling!
ReplyDelete"THE REDHEAD is the merkin bastard child of THE BLONDE that covers everything that you want."
ReplyDelete"The Redhead" is probably the finest piece of action-driven neo-noir with science fictional elements that I've ever read. I say "probably" because I haven't actually read it yet, but I assume there's a very cool redheaded chick in it, event hough we're not supposed to say "chick" anymore. Patti Abbott once punched me in the short ribs for saying "chick" but that's a story for another time, even though it is a cool story, not unlike "the Redhead." Probably. Except there aren't any science fictional elements to THAT story, unless Patti is an killer android, which might explain why she's going around punching guys in the short ribs. And I'm not even the one who wanted to deactivate her. That was Duane and the government men. Yes, Patti, it really was.
ReplyDeletewww.tompiccirilli.com
THE MIDNIGHT ROAD and THE DEAD LETTERS available now from Bantam Books
"You've heard the rumor and you know the facts. I don't have to tell you that THE REDHEAD is the best redhead you'll ever have (and I'm not even gonna go on about THE BLONDE) so I'm not going to tell you. You'll just have to read it. But read it you will. 'Cause you know the rumors and you've heard the facts."
ReplyDeleteIs that THE REDHEAD you've got there or are you really HAPPY to see me?"
ReplyDeleteNot even the cinematic delights of watching Ron Jeremy jerk off can compare to Swierczynski's THE REDHEAD. And like Jeremy's work, THE REDHEAD is fast, furious and very hairy.
ReplyDeleteTHE REDHEAD will blow you...every which way.
ReplyDeleteTL
Wait. Did I write "fuck." I meant everyone wants to "read" The Redhead. Yeah, that's what I meant.
ReplyDeleteThe Redhead - a noir thriller that explodes like the hot muzzle flash from the wrong end of a .45.
ReplyDeleteColman just made me spray Diet Coke out of my nose.
ReplyDeleteOkay, contest is up for another four hours. Get those last blurbs in; the winners will be announced on pub day (October 30).
"If a Blonde dyes her to become a brunette it's called 'artificial intelligence.' When she dyes it to become a Redhead it's called 'sheer awesomeness!'"
ReplyDeleteCorrection: "If a blonde dyes her HAIR ...
ReplyDelete"The Redhead sizzles with enough bacon grease to frighten a mohel!"
ReplyDelete--Christopher
"If blondes only make you wince a little, try a redhead for some real pain."
ReplyDelete(Yeah, I didn't see your contest until it was over. What of it?)