Secret Dead Blog Interview: Allan Guthrie

Sitting right here, in this very room, is Edinburgh’s dark prince of noir, Allan Guthrie. He’s eating strawberry yogurt and watching Law & Order: SVU. Marlo Thomas is making a guest appearance on the show, and Al has just asked: “Is that a man?”

Al has no idea I’m writing this. In fact, I’m just about to tell him that he has to put down the yogurt and answer a few questions.

I’m not sure he’s going to be entirely pleased. But then again, Al doesn’t ever seem entirely pleased about anything.

Secret Dead Blog: Al, thanks for joining us. My first question: You ate quite a bit of that yogurt without realizing that the strawberries were at the bottom, and that you were supposed to mix it first. What’s the deal?

Allan Guthrie: I’m from Scotland.

SDB: That’s no excuse. Didn’t you realize that the yogurt tasted awfully bland for something labelled “strawberry”? I think this says much more about you than you think.

AG: Actually, I was enjoying it. I was looking forward to getting to the fruit, eventually. Of course, there was never any guarantee that I’d get there. But that just added a welcome edge to the whole experience. Although, as always, I was constantly aware that the hope’s the thing that can kill you. Know what I mean?

SDB: That’s so you. Okay. You’re finishing up your yogurt, so let’s move on. We just returned from “Noir Night” at Houston’s Murder By the Book. Our fellow panelists were Ken Bruen, Jason Starr and J.D. “Dusty” Rhoades. Give me some dirt about each of them.

AG: They’re all clean-living guys, like most of us noir writers, so unfortunately I’m unable to answer your question. I can, however, offer up some dirt on the night’s other panelist. If you want me to. Just say the word and I’ll be happy to talk about Duane Swierczynski, babe magnet. The hot bachelor pad with the mattress on the floor. And that glass brick partition seperating the kitchen and shower. Never fails. Genius.

SDB: I hasten to add that this “hot bachelor pad” wasn’t in Houston. I wouldn’t want people to think we were watching Jason shampoo his long, flowing hair, or something.

AG: We’d be so lucky. Of course, I meant back in the day, when the young Swierczynski was sexually active.

SDB: You made quite the impression on the Houston audience with your definition of “hardboiled vs. noir” fiction. Care to share it with us?

AG: Nicely sidestepped. Em, yeah, it’s Easter, so I thought a religious example would go down like … um … a bunny on another bunny. I’ll preface the analogy by mentioning that hardboiled is about toughness and noir is about pain. Consequently my analogy was this: the Crucifixion is noir and the Resurrection hardboiled.

SDB: The crowd reaction was wonderful, wasn’t it? It was if they’d just watched a clown get hit by a car. Many groans, a little nervous laughter.

AG: Hard to remember exactly, but I do recall Ken Bruen being impressed. And I thought he was a good Catholic.

SDB: Of all the things you saw in Philadelphia, then Houston, which strike you as the most noir?

AG: In Philly, David Goodis’s house. In Houston, Ken Bruen reading from ‘Her Last Call To Louis MacNeice’ at 4 in the morning.

SDB: (Readers may notice that Al just used single quotes to denote the title of a novel. Poor bastard still thinks he’s in Scotland.) Well, you have about 17 hours left here in the U.S. Anything special you want to do before you leave?

AG: I’d like to walk down North Broad at three in the morning shouting, “My pockets are stuffed full of money and cocaine, dipshits.” Yeah, I know, I’m only 5’ 8” and crap at fighting, but the Jersey Crew gave me a Louisville Slugger and I need to check it out. If I survive N. Broad, I’d like to hit the Navy Yard and steal one of those remaindered battleships they have lying around. And I’d really like to find the immigration officer who put on his surgical gloves and said, “Come with me, sir. It’ll only take a few minutes.”